Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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