So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
