Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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