i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Don't make out with my wife yet
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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