i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
