who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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