Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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