Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
