I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize