you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
