Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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