So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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