I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
