I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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