let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
