week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
