he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
