Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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