found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
