Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
