Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
