he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
