I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
