Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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