People with herpes should wear stickers.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
