Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
