The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
