No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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