well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
