new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
