That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
