trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
