you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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