so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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