so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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