Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
