Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
