I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
