been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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