I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
