last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
