fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
