just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
