Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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