also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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