Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
