I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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