I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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