day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
