I think i peed on brittanys purse
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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