you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
