Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
