great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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