remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
