Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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