you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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