hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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