Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
