I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
