Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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