he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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