I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you win again, gameday.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
