so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
