And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
