The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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