i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
