Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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