I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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