Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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