I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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