she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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