Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
