I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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