I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
