i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
