you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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