So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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