someone owes me an orgasm
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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