ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
