I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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