I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
