I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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