I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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