Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
