he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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