If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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