So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
