I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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