I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.