i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think I won the penis lottery.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police