I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day