420 ftw
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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