Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.