glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?