just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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