Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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